“Anais Nin quote: ‘And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.'”
Sometimes playing it safe is the riskier choice in life. I remember a time when it took me four months to get the courage to say hello to one of the popular girls in high school. I was always scared of rejection. When I finally got up the nerve to approach her, the girl acted stuck up and condescending toward me. “You haven’t said a word to me all school year and now you decide to say something? You are weird.” I had not imagined that outcome. Maybe I offended her because I had waited so long; I just remember being hurt.
She was right in a way. I had played it safe all year. Fear kept me in my seats in classrooms. I didn’t talk hardly to anyone. Shyness and playing it safe made me look stuck up and unapproachable. I had reason to be shy. As a young girl, I moved a lot with my family. I attended 23 schools in my lifetime. Sometimes children’s cruelness toward the new girl hurt me and taught me to me to play it safe everywhere.
Approaching new situations became harder as the years passed from grade school to high school. In college, I finally learned a little confidence and made friends right away. I learned to not hide behind a mask of indifference.
I guess now that I am a mom who had that experience I sympathize with my own daughter more. I try to encourage her to be outgoing and approachable. It is hard for her too. She was the youngest of all our children. For the last eight, she has actually been the only child because his other daughters lived with their mother.
I tell her though to be confident and go for it and to remember everyone is a little scared at the first meeting when trying to make new friends. I tell her to be herself, smile and ask questions about the person she is trying to make friends with, and not to focus just on herself. I advise her that you have to first be a friend to have friends. Making the first move means you have to blossom. It hurts to stay inside a shell. Blossom and shine, I tell her. Go for it.
I disguised my shyness behind an illusion of confidence, what you say is so true, it worked for me. Your daughter is very lucky to have a mother that guides her in the right direction.
Thanks. 🙂
This is so true and I can relate!