R is for Real

Let’s Get Real

My blogger friend, Holly Mueller at Reading, Teaching, Learning, has a weekly blogging challenge where we come together to write on a topic related to the Spiritual Journey Thursdays link-up. This week’s topic is Let’s Get Real.

 

Radiate and Receive

Enlightenment to

Activate

Love

My days stretched out in front of me and my disappointment weighed me down. I couldn’t figure out how I had come to this point. My life darkened and swirled in eddies of depression. A night of violence and hatred rang in my mind. I would not see light for six months.

My marriage slid into madness in January 2001. How would I overcome? Going back was  not the answer. I had to file divorce papers because of the abuse. During my Easter break of 2001, my marriage died, crucified because of domestic violence. I faced a future of uncertainty and loneliness.

Three months later, I sat across the settlement table from my husband. He was ill and dying. How could I leave him? We went before the judge. The judge asked if there was any chance at reconcilliation. I cried inside but answered with a firm, “No.” My heart crushed, but my mind knew this was the only way to safety.

I struggled though. Divorce is sin. Divorce is so wrong. What could I have done to stop the beatings? The violence?  He could kill me with just a drop of blood. I had believed marrying him almost 12 years earlier was God’s will. I was supposed to see him through to the end of the illness, bury him. His violence and anger killed that dream. I remembered the last night and the blood on his knuckles, my blood though. What if he had split his knuckles when he hit me? What if he killed me the next time? I watched him across the room as the Judge granted our divorce on grounds of domestic abuse.

I went into a state of depression so dark. If it weren’t for the friends God put into my life, Linda and Shirley, I would have committed suicide that summer. They were there for me, lifting me up and encouraged me to attend a Beth Moore conference in June 2001 the weekend after my divorce became final. She talked about “fleeing dark relationships.”  A healing balm filled my heart. I fled a dark relationship and God knew my pain. He forgave me, and then I knew that I had embarked on a new life.

At the end of July 2001, I met my husband whom I have now been married to for more than 13 years . That story is for another post.

What is real for me is that I am a survivor because of the grace of God. What is also real for me is that as Holly Gerth wrote in her book,  You’re Loved No Matter What: Freeing Your Heart from the Need to Be Perfect, I am Loved and You are Too!  So, whatever storm you are facing, God has grace to see you through too. He has a balm of healing and love that He wants to apply to your life too. His salvation and love can change your life if you will only reach out and accept it. Will you get real with Him today and accept?

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This post is my “R” post for the April 2015 A to Z Blogging Challenge. I know April is gone, but as I stated before, I am determined to finish the challenge this year with 26 posts from A to Z.

You can read more of posts in the challenge here: https://www.maryanderingcreatively.com/2015-april-a-to-z-blogging-challenge/.

I am also contributing to numerous blog hops found on my Link-Up Parties page.