By Mary Hill
We have all been there, standing at the edge of a momentous decision. It is like staring down a huge drop off, knowing we have to jump if we are going to go in that direction and make the decision to move forward. I have been there when trying to decide to take a job, go to a job interview, or more recently applying for disability. Should I keep working? Should I leave the workforce because I feel like I can’t compete anymore. I can’t keep up and some days, I don’t even want to get out of bed? I worked for 20 plus years outside my home as a journalist and school librarian.
I was a school librarian, and the job got harder with every passing year as my joints deteroriated and I underwent two knee replacements. After the knee replacements, my arthritis attacked other joints, making it hard for me to continue in my career. I wanted to hold on to my identity and keep working. I wanted to accomplish so much; which was the risk, leaving work and applying for disability or staying on the job and working despite my health?
Sometimes we can’t identify which is the riskier action. In leaving my job, I would lose income and took a real chance that I would not get disability. Getting disability it is not easy in the United States, I have found out three years later. Staying on the job seemed an equal risk. What if I could not perform. What if I could not live up to the expectations of my bosses? I would end up being fired for poor work performance.
Sometimes, I feel like I should have taken the risk and tried to work a few more years. I could have retired with 10 years and been eligible for insurance and more retirement dollars. Is this the risk I did not take? Maybe, I could have found a middle ground and learned to cope and work despite the pain. Was I one step from achieving my goal of a writing a major grant for my school district to improve all of the school libraries? I had just received the Barbara Bush Grant to improve my elementary school library collection.
The thing is once you take a road toward your future, there is no turning back. You pass by many roads that could have taken you in totally different directions. The reality is you just don’t know what would have happened if you had decided to take that major risk; if you had decided to jump.
I like that, learning to replace my what ifs with what’s next. That is really profound. Thanks for the comments. 🙂
Hi Mary, nice to read a bit more about you.
What you say about taking risks is true, but to me it’s not really about risking or not, it is about choosing the risk you feel like taking on at a certain point in life.
One of the most important lessons I learnt came from a “simple man” I met whilst volunteering for a local association. He was just a “normal” person with a “normal” story (or, at least, this is how he used to describe himself): he took a major decision and deeply regretted it a few years later. When I asked him about how he felt about it, he replied “well, I learnt to replace my what if with what next, so I can say that was a good decision for me after all”. To date, I consider that “simple man” to be one of the wisest people I ever met.
So, here’s to your “what next” and your next challenge 🙂
Thank you for sharing this.
Cheers, Alessandra
Thanks everyone for visiting and the encouraging words. 🙂 Mary
Mary I too had to make that hard decision a few years ago. I had a high energy job which paid me a nice salary. My husband was already retired and declining so I felt like if I quit and stayed home I could motivate him to be more active. Well he ended up being diagnosed with Parkinson and life has never been the same. I took a path and at the time was a hard one but in the end it was the right path for me. I have found lots of fun in hanging with my grandchildren, designing things, and writing a blog I keep busy. You can never look back because there is a world of opportunity ahead.
Came by from Tales of the Reborn Crafter http://talesofthereborncrafter.blogspot.com/
So true. But each path provides different opportunities. Don’t look back. More time to write:))
Very true, one thing leads to another, but then if you took the other choice you’d be wondering about the choice you just made, catch 22, and yeah pain sucks.