Time to get raw and real as I reach out in compassion joining #1000Speak and to shout out about #WomensLives. I am righteously angered this morning about the tangled mess in which we find our world: women facing down abusers, cancers, hate, crime, and issues that wreck their lives.
I watched a wonderful woman die from afar this week. I loved her, but we were not that close. We did not talk daily. She was my child’s Sunday School teacher for years and a leader in our church’s children’s ministry. Then she discovered she had cancer in the eyes that went to her brain. I was so caught up in my own family life and my own goals. I am so ashamed that I did not do more for her. I never called her. I never acted as a friend, never reached out, never visited her in her home or at the hospital.
I prayed with her two weeks ago in church, but before I prayed I declared in anger, “I hate cancer. It is not fair. I love you and will be praying for you,.” I didn’t know that those would be my last words to her. I cried as I walked back to my sit as she laid immobile in a wheelchair. What a pathetic thing to say is all I can think today. Her four young children sat near their beautiful mother who could barely lift her arms. In the back of my mind, that day as I watched her across the sanctuary, I was thinking about another blogger friend, Lizzie over at Considerings, who started her own mission to Kick Cancer’s Ass. Why did I say I was just praying for her? Why didn’t I do more? Her legacy will be so far reaching. She loved the children in her class, and she loved mine too. She was quiet, strong, and beautiful.
This morning before I heard the news, I let my anger get the better of me. Stress is not my friend, especially when I hurt. I am so ashamed I showed my stress to my daughter. I wish I could do better for her. I just have arthritis. I am alive and well. I have come through so much in my life, abuse and pain, but I never had to battle a disease that rages in my body with the ultimate goal to kill me.
I am also not a woman in the hands of ISIS facing death. My heart goes out to the parents of this 26-year-old woman who only wanted to serve litle children too just like my friend from my church. She put herself in harms way and served the orphaned children of Syria, refugees in a terrible war. My heart is crying for her too, but what can I do sitting in my home thousands of miles away other than to cry out for compassion and to beg ISIS to send her home?
Like I said this is going to be raw and real. I hate hate and violence against women or anyone. I hate anger. I hate death. I hate cancer. I hate given into the darkness and giving it room to fester and grow. Life can be so hard for women of all ages in this world. Satan and darkness, evil forces want to destroy us. We face so much darkness. We need to be united in love no matter our beliefs whether Buddhist, Muslim, Jew, or Christian.
I want light. I want love. I want life. I want the beautiful grace and salvation of Jesus who suffered so much pain for all of us. I want to kick cancer’s ass. I want to join the #1000Speak on February 20th! I want to write about #Womenslives. I want to share hope. I want to reach out more to those in need and those who are sick. I don’t want to watch from afar. I want to raise my daughter to be a person of compassion to the sick and the hurting.
But I fail so miserably. I am in a hard place today. I am all tangled up inside, thinking about children’s pain of losing their mother, parents fearing for their daughter, and another woman being abused. I can see the fist in my mind. I see cancer, suffering, and pain. Why is this world so dark, but at the same time so many people are striving to fight the evil. It is like millions of heads beating against this giant, dark wall. Will we prevail? Will grace and light come through? Can we knock it down?
This post is written as part of:
Public Radio International (PRI) and SheKnows Media have partnered on a groundbreaking media partnership, #Womenslives Initiative, to create a social publishing news incubator combining PRI’s enterprise reporting and unprecedented outreach by SheKnows to impact conversation in news media because women’s lives are newsworthy.
This post was also written for Holly Mueller’s Spiritual Journey hop where we focused on the word reach and Two Shoes Tuesday where the word prompts were tangled and tower.
I am also contributing to these hops:
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What a moving post. Thank you for sharing your feelings.
Thanks for linking up with The Great Blog Train last month. I hope you’ll join us again this month!
~Lisa M
I’m stopping by as part of Blog Blitz and I’m currently planning to take part in the 1000 Voices Speak for Compassion project too! Not quite sure on my topic yet, but it’s an important idea and I look forward to your post then 🙂
Sabina recently posted…To EDM or Not to EDM?
I am not sure about my topic yet, either. Working on drafts though.
Mary Hill recently posted…Bathrooom Renovations: Before and After
Righteous anger is a beautiful thing. That’s what you are feeling for the women you wrote about here. As for not doing all you could…the most important thing is to pray and you do that. Your friend knew this and I know it brought her comfort and joy to know you were praying. Now go forward, take what you have learned and give to another woman your prayers and whatever else is put on your heart to do. Blessings.
Patricia recently posted…The city where I live…
I don’t see my comment here, so apparently it didn’t post correctly. Let me try it again. This post really touched my heart, Mary, because there have been so many times in life that I look back and think a “I could have done more” or “I should have done more.” But I think that we need to use those feelings to look forward instead to ” how can I handle it different next time”. What is see in your comment to her was love, you told her you loved her and isn’t that the very most important message we can convey in every situation? We extend the love of Jesus. We are so unprepared to deal with those situations, and I share your anger about cancer, I hate that C-word too, I have lost people I loved dearly, Papa Bear lost his wife, and I have friend I treasure who is struggling against the odds with it now. What do I tell her when I have no words of wisdom or ways to make it go away? I tell her that I love her and I am prayer for her… just like you did! I have every reason to believe that you are raising your daughter to be compassionate and caring, I see those qualities reflected in your writings in so many ways. Don’t let one time when you felt you didn’t do your best, be a burden to carry, just say “Lord lead me” when the next time comes, because it does. XOXO
Josie Two Shoes recently posted…Two Shoes Tuesday Prompts for February 10th
Thanks for the simply prayer. I will do just that next time.
Mary Hill recently posted…Faced Loss But Thankful Reigned
Valerie, I will try you wise advice. Thank you.
Mary Hill recently posted…Weekend Wind-Down Party, 57
So many times I could look back at situations where I really felt I “missed the mark” and get down on myself. But I don’t think that’s what God wants for us. He wants us to learn from our mistakes, but God’s Word also says, “Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 3:13-14(NIV) Keep striving toward what is ahead!! Blessings, Ann
Ann recently posted…Honey for the Heart: Hold My Heart
Dear Mary, Please do not beat yourself up over what might have been or what you believe you failed to do. As we look back in the rear view mirror, we see vividly our mistakes and how we should have – could have – done differently. Don’t you know that dear woman ONLY heard you say one thing and that was, “I will pray for you.” The other remarks were swept away like cobwebs and never heard. Yes, women have terrible things happen to them – – and we would run ourselves ragged if we attempted to fill every need that comes our way. The MOST important thing that you and I can do at the very time we hear of a need is to PRAY, and ask God to Send His ANGELS to care for that person. Now there may come a time that YOU are that angel, but please understand that God is Bigger than you and I and he is taking care of his lambs.
Hazel Moon recently posted…While I am Waiting – by Guest Laura Hodges Poole
Hazel. thanks you helped me so much with your loving response.
Mary Hill recently posted…Weekend Wind-Down Party, 57
When you are with someone in trouble they don’t want to hear of your anger at their plight they need you to hold their hand and to talk about the good times you have had together, how beautiful their children are; how they must be so proud of what they have done in their lives, and the fun you have had together. They know about the hurt now they want to feel the love to help them through. If there are tears to shed don’t hold them back but let them see you really care. We cannot conquer the world but we can touch another’s heart. I am sure that if you hold someone else’s hand God will hold yours too.
Old Egg recently posted…Her bare arm
So sweet. Thank you.
Mary Hill recently posted…Weekend Wind-Down Party, 57
Mary,
I can feel your anger, frustration, and compassion in this post. I understand your feelings that you didn’t do enough, didn’t reach out enough. We can all connect to those feelings of inadequacy. However, prayer is a mighty sword, and your heartfelt prayers for her were heard. You, too, are leaving a legacy because of your love for God and others. Thank you for this post!
Holly, thanks for the kind words.
Mary Hill recently posted…Weekend Wind-Down Party, 57
What a heartfelt outpouring. Don’t forget to show compassion to yourself.