Okay,Time to Be Funny

By Mary Hill

I once wrote a newspaper column when I worked as newspaper reporter back in the early 1990s that I entitled, “I Blame my Yankee Mom Because I Cannot Make Fried Chicken.” I wish I had that column, but I did not keep a lot of my journalism stuff. It yellowed and got old. I can’t find anything from those years.  

Anyway, the column did not go over well with um…. my mother, and I still can’t fry chicken. Out of respect for my mom I will not try to recreate said column, although it was funny.

When I was a kid, my parents could not afford health insurance; so, I couldn’t participate in field day at my elementary school.  Kids automatically zone in on differences and asked me all kinds of questions about why I couldn’t be in field day.  For the most part, I tried to ignore them.  

I was in the bleachers laying down where people normally put their feet.  Some of the popular girls had to come up and ask me, “What are you doing now?”  You know in that snide voice some popular girls have.

My answer, “Talking to the wood.”  After that I was the weird girl who talked to wood.  

In Florida, my siblings and I were adventurous children.  We used to love swimming in the canals. The only problem, the gators.  That didn’t stop us though. There as a bridge in Margate, Fla., on 441 overlooking the canal that we would jump off of into the water.

My mom who worked down the road got wind of what we were doing. She pulled up in our old car and started yelling for us.  We all went over to her. All four of us, dripping wet and smiling.

“You could get killed. You know I don’t allow you to jump off bridges into waters teeming with aligators.” Mom said.

I answered, “But we take turns looking for the gators. If we see one, we yell to get out of the water quick.”

Of course, the punch line:  Gators swam under water. The chances of us seeing one before it was too late was nil.  Ah, youth.

Have your parents ever told you that they used to walk 10 miles to get to school, even through snow.  My walking-to-school story is even worse.  My parents had moved us to Ohio from Florida hoping they would get better paying jobs and so they could buy things like a nice house and health insurance.

Unfortunately things did not work out that way.  My dad had bought a new car.  They made better money, but they did not count on the high rent in Ohio which back then was at about $750 a month for the small duplex we lived in.  It was either the rent or the car payment.  They paid the rent, and we had to start walking everywhere.

I normally rode the bus to school, except on the mornings that we had to push the laundry to the laundry mat about three miles from our house.  The route though was on the way to school; so mom had me walk with her. We pushed the laundry in a shopping cart through the snow for three miles. 

The route was also the same route that the school buses took; so guess who was called the “bag girl” at school.  Looking back, I think it was funny.  It also built my character. I proud that I pitched in and helped my family during tough times. 

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed my stories and found them funny.  I don’t have a funny bone in my body though. I guess this is the funniest I can get.  I  really admire those who can write humor.  I write humor about as well as I can do gymnastics, terrible.  

Can’t wait to read other entries in today’s blog hop sponsored by Terrye who writes The Adventures of the Misplaced Alaskan.